On Chasers
January 28th, 2010 | 
Author: icecoldbath asked:
Some thoughts on the type of men who pursue trans women.
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River, transwoman who are lesbian might be very supportive of your transition. Straight transwomen… maybe supportive/maybe not. Obviously, they’ve been there/done that so one would hope they have empathy for what you’re facing. But I’ve heard of a couple of situations where transwomen hooked up to someone mtf who was totally “pre” and didn’t support their transitioning since they still desired a “male” partner or thought two transwomen would be too much drama. Selfish, but… there it is.
“…and would encourage my transition.”
Only you can drive your transition, being dependent on someone else to motivate you defeats the point of transition.
O.k…..here’s my personal perspective - I am trans-identified (MTF), but have never had the courage to transition (fear of rejection, fear of job loss etc.).
I have always been attracted to women, and I feel that trans-women are more likely to understand who I am.
My hope would be to find someone who is accepting of me, and who would feel comfortable knowing that I accept her and relate to her.
I’d prefer someone who has had SRS or at least plans to, and would encourage my transition.
Gee, Ashley, can’t imagine why on earth your mother would feel the need to morally castigate you. Don’t tell me you would endlessly argue with her? Enlighten us. (or not). However I’m berating you doesn’t mean I’m not interested or don’t value your perspective, just that I don’t take it as gospel and I feel certain that’s reciprocated.
You remind me of my mother with your moralizing castigation.
And I suggest you not categorize people’s experiences as “fairy tales,” it tends to make people think it’s not really a discussion and more of a ‘yea-saying’. I’ve never said “better perspective” I said it was my perspective based on my transition (and some other women I know), your perspective is based on your transition and people you know. I’m not going to argue that point, and it’s not moot, it’s an important reminder for anyone who’s ‘telling it like it is.”
I think you should work on trying not to get defensive when people question the validity of your analysis. I wasn’t claiming to be right, I was just suggesting that I couldn’t respond to what you said. You are right you have probably been at this longer then me. This may or may not give you a better perspective. I won’t be able to evaluate that analysis till i’m older. You just pushed the discussion to a moot point, what else is there to say?
OMG. Fine. Absolutely then, no doubt you’re right no matter what. You’ve known many women who’ve transitioned 20-30 years ago, have been married, yadda, yadda. Seriously, if you can’t accept that people have been exposed to things you haven’t and open yourself to the concept they might have perspectives that differ from yours not only to “win a disagreement” then fine, you’re the winner. Btw, when you’re older you’ll experience how often young people play “the age card” in reverse.
Yeah, but you were using that notion of transition progress as an “I’m right, because i’ve been at this longer then you”. That is still the age card just prettied up in trans language.
Oh yeah. Trans men get the chaser gangbang, I forgot.
Michael (deusa): It’s the entire “Gendercator” bs of how transmen are somehow being tricked and forced by the evil binary forces (of which transsexuals are the prime representatives) into transition, yes, instead of accepting their non-binary true selves. It’s so dismissive and condescending. MTFs have heard this cr*pola for years from gay activists like Jim Fouratt. Grrr. I wasn’t aware straight -identified guys were pursuing transmen. That’s a new one for me!
I don’t know if women chase transmen, but men certainly do their share of lesbian chasing, which then spills on to us because they think we are another form of lesbian. In either case, I find it’s all a case of fitting someone into a box and not wanting to let them go. Maybe if I lived in a place where women liked women more, instead of pretending they did to get men. There are women who want women that think transmen just need to be comfortable with themselves, and we’re called anti-feminist.
We (society) like to believe women don’t objectify men (much less transmen) the way men objectify women (or transwomen). Perhaps it’s not identical, but I certainly see a lot of my women friends, both straight and gay, who project a LOT onto the guys they’re involved with and give those guys a lot of sh*t if they don’t live up to the projected fantasy. Maybe because of women’s societal lack of power, what’s projected onto us makes it more debilitating? I’m not sure.
Never once mentioned age. Not a bit. It’s where one is in the transition process. Can you acknowledge that you might have a different perspective than someone who was just approaching or starting transition or from someone who transitioned years ago? Sometimes our perspectives change as we go through this passage. Comme c’est bizarre, non?
My hair’s wavy…but all it does is poof out!
It makes me look like a troll doll! D:
I don’t talk to any trans girls
Which totally bugs me. There are a lot of self-described ‘dykes’ out there who are totally into transman, but refuse to acknowledge the manhood of the ftms they covet. Instead, they fall back on the “oh, they’re queer, not men” explanation. And likewise, many of those dykes will not acknowledge the genuine womanhood of trans lesbians because they aren’t WBW. It’s not surprising, but a totally disgusting Gendercator mentality. I feel sad for the transmen in those relationships.
Well if you are going to pull the age card, I guess i’ll just have to sit back, nod and smile at you. The person who I mention discussing this issue with is not a recent transitioner herself and likewise I consider myself fairly integrated into the cis world.
Oops! I replied to this comment on another one of your comments. You know, for someone as opinionated and obviously intelligent as yourself, you should make videos.
The video is 9 minutes as it is! You only have 10 minutes.
I could go on for hours into detailed theories of male attraction, analysis of lines of privilege, and exploring the psychology of relationships in general, but I just don’t have the time or the energy. Suffice to say, I think there are some good reasons for a man to pursue trans women as a group and there are some bad reasons.
Lindsay, I agree. But I will say I know a transwoman who was with a guy who said exactly that (and, I admit, I was highly skeptical about the relationship). But then, he ended up helping her through her SRS, being very supportive and, 18 mos. later, they’re still together and it seems to be going well. People can surprise you.
I wish your video would mention more reasons why someone might be fascinated with transwomen. We’re hardly a homogenous group. I still believe a lot of chasers feel (maybe not consciously) transwomen aren’t as much of a threat to reject them because they’re ‘grateful, needy and lacking self-esteem’. Because they’re perceived as having ‘a shameful secret’ that takes their power away and makes them easier to dominate. A search for power is behind a lot of chasers. Not saying that’s always bad.
I actually find the girls who chase trans men to be more interesting. Since in the queer community that seems to be deemed much more socially acceptable although for many of those girls, they are being equally creepy and oppressive of trans men.
It may be a fantasy of many straight transwomen, but it does, in fact happen. I’ve known at least 5-6 women it’s happened to. You’re still a fairly recent transitioner, so perhaps you have a different perspective on this. True the vast majority of transwomen are recognizable as trans but there are increasing numbers of people who are way more integrated into cis-society (whether that’s a good thing or not). I don’t make a judgment on it except that it’s genuinely some people’s experience.
Haha yes, the many wonders of wavy hair *rolls eyes* haha