Saying Goodbye to “Yourself”
July 1st, 2009 | 
Author: karmatic1110 asked:
Do I feel like I am somehow ending the person I was?
- riftgirlblog: No, but nothing ever worthwhile is. Or so the saying goes.
- iamnewfie1: u need to play the song sung by gloria gaynor”i will survive” to pick you up…and thats...
- rumplefun: I mourn not that my earthly lot hath little of earth in it,that years of love have been forgot in the...
- riftgirlblog: I’ve been groovin’ to U + Ur Hand by P!nk lately.
- riftgirlblog: Oh well. Past is past, there’s only future ahead.
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Sigh, I’m slightly speechless…for once. =) All I CAN say is that up to this point I had never fully understood what the only guy that ever even came relatively close to making me wish I could like men meant when he would say “If I could only know what’s going through your mind for one brief moment, I would be a better person.”. I can’t explain the realization in words but I just feel I finally understand what he really meant by that because I feel the same way right now about you. Take care!
I get what you are saying here.
I’ve only come a short way along the transition road (and stalling causing major headaches) but I definitely felt my old self drifting away like a loss. Dunno, I want to be a women, but I dont want to regret or hate or dispise a male past out of repect for myself. When I realised that friends and family could be mourning my old self I was sad, and was probably the reason why I hadnt heard from them, such a shame, I appear different but I’m the same on the inside!
I most definitely killed the “other”. I often refer to the former me as “that guy that I killed”.
It was convenient that I survived a suicide attempt & to a great deal had a lot of progress in my transition after it.
It’s almost as if I feel guilty that *he* had to die in order for me to emerge. Like why couldn’t I just have split off from him and have him live a life of his own? Like you were saying, sounds crazy, but it’s not! He was a good guy!
Well I realized that I am the same person and circumstances around me are the only thing that REALLY changed.
Amazing- great topic. I’m not nearly as far along this path as you are- and this scares the hell out of me. Is the synthesis of the old me and the me that’s coming a myth, a symptom of denial and fear, or is it possible? I’ve talked about this with my therapist- but it still sticks in my mind. How are you so okay with it all- you blow me away.
Love this video! From about 1:30-on it’s sooo true. That’s what held me back from it for soooo long. Ironically that was one of the first questions I was asked when I told one of my friends.
wow i never think at that level. it is sad when you think that way but also it may be the death of an old self and the birth of a new so in getting rid of who you were you are creating something new and more true to yourself. man i can’t tell if i was making sense or not. this is not my area lol. but ya this is a very sensitive topic lol.
Omg you are seriously killing me with these videos Karmie. I’m going to cry and I want to hug you.
I think you are very beautiful, inside abd out. You will make someone very happy.
I read here that you prefer woman.
What do you look for? (If you don’t mind me asking).. Sarah
aww,i wish i knew you personally u seem so genuine.
Well the male identity existed as a construct, so I didn’t chose anything really. I just let go of that fake person…however I did have understandable attachment to some of the great dynamic relationships I did have.
i know exactly what the both of you are talking about
woooh im not crazy!!!
other people have actually had to choose
one of their multiple identities like me
Very profound thoughts on your part, being a parent myself, if one of my girls were transgendered(is that correct?), I would indeed mourn the person she would have to leave behind to become a new person, at least physically.
“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.” -Anatole France
I like women.
would you not want to date a guy? or do you prefer women?
very interesting thought
your very beautiful
I would tell them before I KISSED them.. however I date women and so it is less of an issue.
would you tell a person what you once were before you slept with them?
Sometimes I want to re-invent who I am. Not based on gender (however that’s been on my mind forever), but as an identity. I’m not happy with the life I’ve been born into, and with all these decisions that I never made. I want to change my name and move as far away from this life as possible, but I’d have to say goodbye just like you.
I need something to convince me that I’m not who I think I am. If I am not pressured into a rebirth, then I am doomed to imagine its rewards.
I think the problem for us transgender folk is not for us personally to leave the old person behind, at least for me. But the problem comes from the fear, guilt, and doubt put on us by family and friends, society in general. If only other people would agree that yes, you followed the Benjamin Standards, your RLT was a success, etc. and then let us move forward, but instead we are always looking over our shoulder, and becomming miserable in the process when we should be celebrating our rebirth.